just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
