He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
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Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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