I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
