Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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