I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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