i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
