My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
