Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
