I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
