I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
