gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
