It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
