just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
