My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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