So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
