If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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