are you so shy because you have an std?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
