Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
