id be glad to
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
