I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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