Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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