I'll bet she douches with gravy.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
