Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
