if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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