What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
