In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
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She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
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I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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