I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I am full of burrito and curiosity
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
