And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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