Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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