Will you blow on my dice?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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