i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
