My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
