What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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