After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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