Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize