I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
