All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.