so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Man Helps Gorilla Find His Next Tinder Date
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Women Confess The Weirdest Things Men Wanted From Them
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial