i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?