i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I need to calm my uterus...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
