Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.