i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
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There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
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We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something