I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand