I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
