Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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