Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
