If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
