I wish I could teleport
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
