I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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