So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
