the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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