I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I understand Curling. That high.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
