Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Your penis caused this!
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