I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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