Soap is not a condiment
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
porn star boner night. come get it.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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