I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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