Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
