Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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