I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
